Really, I'm F.I.N.E.

Yay!

2008-05-16T20:07:43Z

I got the promotion.

I am not an addict!

2007-09-24T15:06:35Z

Well.. maybe I am a little.

NameThatDrug.com - Test your drug knowledge

Sunday is Lemming Day

2007-09-23T13:10:16Z

What color is your soul painted?

Grey

Your soul is painted the color grey, which embodies the characteristics of elegance, humility, respect, reverence, stability, subtlety, wisdom, strong emotions, balance, and cancellation. Grey falls under the element of Water, and symbolizes the moon, tide, ebb and flow.

Click Here to Take This Quiz

Quizzes and Personality Tests

discover your dog breed @ quiz meme

Obsession

2007-09-19T04:59:21Z

It's not just a lovely scent in a bottle folks, it can also be an emotion felt by many across this grand world of ours. Yes, I am prone to those feelings as well. I would like to think that I probably obsess over about three to four people a year before coming to my senses. Most of the people I know on some level until these last few days.

Rick and I took Gavin to the Lunatic Luau on Saturday, an all day concert with like fifteen bands. We were met by the lovely Gretchen and her son, and another friend of work. It was a fun day, lots of sun though it wasn't too hot. We tried to save Gavin from burning by having him hide in his dad's shirt cause I was stupid enough to leave the sunscreen in the car. What a dork I am.

But I digress. Anyway. While there, I noticed this really good looking guy. He was in a black tank top, black dress slacks with black loafers. His hair black, skin pale except where burnt by the sun from being outide in the lawn area. On top of his head was a black fedora. I'm a sucker for it, honestly. That look.. just plain does it for me anyway. I should have been a flapper or something so I could hang around gangster types. And I couldn't take my eyes off him. Because the first thing I did was a double take, he looks exactly like the other Rick. He was apparently all by his lonesome and I so wanted to just go up to him and talk to him, see what he was like. But me being shy, and there with my family, I didn't.

The concert itself was tons of fun, the company was great. We were at the perfect place to see both stages without having to move too far from our original spots. The only thing that marred an almost perfect day was the price of food and drink. Good grief, four dollars for water. Six for a soda and *gasp* ten for beer?! By the Gods, it was highway robbery. Oh well though, what can you do?

Things are settling down around my house. After the visit, there was some moments where things were weird between Rick and myself. One big blow up so far but I think it was a combination of a headache on his part, being tired and grumpy on mine. Other than that, it's.. moving along enough that we're planning our own visit out to Illinois in March. Melissa knows a friend at a local hotel and is going to reserve our rooms for us at like.. half price or something. I'll be scouring the internet for deals on plane tickets. We are gonna take the kids with us...Yeah. So we need to save money.

Our girl was upset with us that we didn't invite her to the concert on Saturday, Gretch. I told her that we thought about her and even said we should have asked her to come. But she sulked a bit tonight when I told her that, and said that was fine. She just wouldn't ask us out anymore. Pfft.. We need to find someplace to go where we can invite her so she won't feel so ignored by us. It wouldn't hurt my feelings any. You were missed at work.. The food was great, I'm still stuffed even now. Good grief.

Lemming that I am

2007-09-09T03:23:49Z

AQUA

You enjoy life, humor, and being exuberant. Wherever you go you usually find yourself stealing the spotlight without even trying. You love to let go and have fun.

Find out your color at QuizMeme.com!

A bitter drink to swallow

2007-08-24T05:22:34Z

I'm not sure that I could be anymore disappointed than I am right now. The Lt came into EDC today to let Wendy and myself know that we didn't get the Senior dispatcher position. I have to admit, I wanted to cry but I didn't. I held it together pretty good. What I wanted to do was scream and stomp my feet while whining how unfair the whole thing was. Then go over to Lisa and bitch slap her across the face.

The only thing I can do in my head is go over the question I missed, regret that I didn't study those things but.. *sigh* Oh well. Life goes on, shit happens, Don't worry Be happy and all that other bullshit.

I wanted to come home and drink myself in oblivion to block out the fact that I feel like a fucking failure. Know what I got to drink? A big glass of chocolate milk. How's that for grown up, Gretch?

The social worker is coming over tomorrow afternoon. Lovely. Just some more stress. I think Mom is going to pick Raina and Gavin up tomorrow after Ms.Moore leaves. Then I'm going to send Rick to the store to get me something because tomorrow night I am getting tore up.

I'm excited about the visitors coming next week. I'm sure I'll start stressing as time gets closer but eh.. For right now I'm gonna look forward to meeting new people and having a good time.

Not really much else to say.

Lemmingness (plus a few)

2007-08-01T05:32:24Z

Exotic Dancer Name Is...

Siren

Exotic Dancer Name Generator

You Are Sex On the Beach

When comes to drinking, you like it to go down smooth.
You really don't like the taste of alcohol - just its effect on you.
So, you're proud to get drunk on fruity, girly drinks.
Because once you're liquored up, the fun begins!

What Alcoholic Drink Are You?

Your Famous Movie Kiss is from Cruel Intentions

"I'm the only girl you can't have, and it kills you."

What Famous Movie Kiss Are You?

You are Bettie Page

Girl next door with a wild streak
You're a famous beauty - with unique look
And the people like you are cultish about it

What Famous Pinup Are You?

What Your Dreams Mean...

Your dreams seem to show that you're a very well adjusted and happy person.

Overall, you are very content in your life.

You tend to be a very productive thinker.

Your dreams tend to reflect your insecurities.

Your dreams indicate that you have very conflicted feelings.

You have a very vivid imagination and a rich creative mind.

What Do Your Dreams Mean?

Reeses Peanut Butter Cups

Very popular, one of you is not enough.

What Kind of Candy Are You?

Now I'm gonna have to find a way to take the knife out of my back

2007-07-26T21:12:51Z

So it's been a little bit since I've update.

I've been.. cranky, hormonal, bitchy, insecure.. just all around in a downward spiral for weeks now. Talked to Rick about getting on some medication but he's adamant that I don't need anything. And I don't know, he might be right. Or maybe I'm right. Gonna wait it out and see.

I think some of it has to do with just the stress of everything getting to me. Some of it has to do with WoW and jealousy issues. Some of it might just be that I'm a junkie kicking a habit and I'm going through withdrawls. Who the hell knows.

Rick and I switched to Moon Guard.. well actually I started on Moon Guard first with Nec, just to do some roleplay or whatever since it's about dead on Silverhand. I found that I liked it on there, a lot, playing my Horde Warlock. So I ended up transferring Sionet over there as well. Rick followed me, soon we were grouping together and doing the pvp thing. It was all fine till he stopped grouping with me for like.. a week straight so he could roleplay with some chick. Then I started getting upset. Left out..jealous.

He explained the only reason he was roleplaying with her was because she was married with kids so there was no large threat of the same bullshit happening like on EQ. But I am very wary about the whole thing. They've started emailing each other at work. But he's been very up front about all of that, not trying to hide anything at all. And just the other day he mentioned that he might want to start doing ERP, and asked if it would be okay with me.

Well.. what was I going to say? No? I do it myself and he knows it. But he's not the jealous type. Eh.. I don't know. I told him to go ahead if he wanted to. I even talked with the girl and her husband because we all group together. Matter of fact, her husband is my in game.. slave? Well sort of. Its more like a bond but eh. Whatever. I've gotten pretty pissy with Rick about the whole thing, and he assures me that if I ever really have a problem or it starts causing problems between us that I can tell him to stop. So it's on a trial basis right now.

I feel angry over all that, then angry with myself for being so hypocritical. Who am I to judge him for something that I've been doing for years? I guess I'm just a little put off at the fact he's always said nothing like that really interested him, now all of the sudden we're talking about him doing it. Either way, whatever.

One of our senior dispatchers quit at work, which means there is a spot open. I applied for it. The post deadline was supposed to be last night at midnight. A few days ago, I had asked the Lt how many people had applied. He said I was the only applicant. So I asked him did that mean I get it by default then? He said pretty much, yeah. I was nervous when I came in this morning because I was hoping that I had been the only one.

And I was.. The Sgt actually came to me and told me that I was the only applicant. That I still had to do the oral boards but it would be a minimized version of the whole thing. But pretty much I had gotten the position. Until.. someone who was working OT with us found out that I was the only one who applied. Then this person marched over to the Lt's office and lied to him, said she couldn't apply because she couldn't get the city website job application to work for her. What does this mean for me? Oh, that the post is now opened for another seven days to allow those who might have had "technical" difficulties a chance to apply. That fucking cunt, I swear to ..I wanted to just punch her in her face. Because just this morning when she was standing outside, she told everyone that she hadn't applied because she didn't want the fucking job. Well so now I'm going through the whole studying thing because I plan on blowing her cunt ass out of the water when it comes to oral boards.

About a week ago, I found a lump in my breast and went to the doctor. I was told that because it was tender and because of my age bracket, that it was 99% chance that it was just a cyst. So I get to wait a month and then call the doc again to schedule an ultrasound if it's still there.

Good news though.. I've lost some weight. Since January, I've lost about 28lbs. Limiting myself to 1500 calories a day on most days. Drinking nothing but water and I joined a gym with a co-worker of mine. I went about three days this week, its been nice. I'm hoping to keep it up even when I get transferred but it will be hard since Mike and me will have different schedules then. But then again, I have a girl on my new squad who is a member of the same gym so might start going with her as well.

I have officially quit biting my nails. They are nice and pretty now. I just woke up one morning and just.. eh, said fuck it.

I still haven't quit smoking all the way. I'd like to say one day I'm gonna kick the habit but it's a stress reliever right now. And I need it in the worst way.

Anyway, that's my long ass update.

Lemming time

2007-07-09T00:59:52Z

You're Ireland!

Mystical and rain-soaked, you remain mysterious to many people, and this
makes you intriguing. You also like a good night at the pub, though many are just as
worried that you will blow up the pub as drink your beverage of choice. You're good
with words, remarkably lucky, and know and enjoy at least fifteen ways of eating a potato.
You really don't like snakes.

Take the Country Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid

Woot

2007-06-21T15:37:45Z

Blessed Summer Solstice for all my friends.

Enlightment from the most unlikely of places

2007-05-29T11:55:38Z

Usually I avoid logging on to myspace like the plague. I have an account on there to keep in touch with people from work but really, it's just a huge dating service to me. And with all the hype about myspace.com not wanting to protect the younger population from the sex offenders on there, it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

But a friend of mine posted a little blog on there that kind of hits home. It was in reference to if a man wants you, and the relationships in your life. But I think it could work for both men and women, friends and lovers so I'm gonna repost it on here.

If a man/woman wants you, nothing can keep them away.

If they don't want you, nothing can make them stay.

Stop making excuses for a man/woman and their behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better. Never live your life for a man/woman before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man/woman was not treating you as you
deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends."

A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he/she is stringing you along, then they probably are.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at
yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Always have your own set of friends separate from their's.

Maintain boundaries in how a person treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

You cannot change a person's behavior. Change comes from within.

Never let a man/woman define who you are.

A person will only treat you the way you ALLOW them to treat you.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Don't fully commit to a person who doesn't give you everything that you need.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

Song of the day

2007-05-22T17:51:04Z

Thanks to rendersix for suggesting this song. It's becoming a favorite.

"She's My Ride Home"

We talked
Together sharpening the knife
Like killing partners for a life
Hey we can hide the bodies on the ride home

Now here we are
We're licking skin to wipe us clean
Strike a match, pour gasoline
Ditch the scene and watch this city burn
Asleep, my life will be a pillow steering wheel turn

I'll be reaching for the stars with you (honey)
Who cares if no one else believes
So I, set fire to everyone around
But I told you
I told you
We'd do it

So ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha
Yeah we won

We Drive
To leave the past and clear the mind
to watch the sunset set its time
I swear you'll find
I'm your ride home

Now close your eyes
its' getting dark and the highways clear
No sign of life from front to rear
Its just you my dear
On the ride home
We're going home

I'll be reaching for the stars with you (honey)
Who cares if no one else believes
So I, set fire to everyone around
But I told you
I told you
We'd do it

So ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha
Yeah we won

We talked
Together sharpening a knife
Like killing partner for a life
Hey we can hide the bodies on the ride home
Cause we're going home

I'll be reaching for the stars with you (honey)
Who cares if no one else believes
So I, set fire to everyone around
But I told you
I told you
We'd do it

So ha ha ha ha (we won)
ha ha ha ha (oh yeah we won)
ha ha ha ha (we won)
ha ha ha ha
Yeah we won
Yeah we won

In the brightest hour, of my darkest day

2007-05-22T15:01:00Z

We finally got the yard finished yesterday. Oh my god, I'm so glad. It was fun though. Rick let me get on the riding lawn mower and go around the yard. He kept making fun of me missing spots and pointing out places I need to go over. I finally stopped and say, "Hey baby, get me a beer" Cause.. the john deer has cup holders on the side for stuff like that. I looked like a true redneck in my Tony Stewart pajama bottoms and a grey wife beater top. Woo!

The appliance repair man came out yesterday and told us it was the element in the stove that needed to be fixed. He'll be back later this week or beginning of next week to finish it thankfully. And then I have an appointment today with Gavin to go to the doctor for a check-up. I wanna see if they will do some blood work on him to make sure everything is okay physically after taking Adderall for the last year and a half. And to see if he has any immunizations that he might be missing. I have a feeling he does.

Other than that.. I'm probably gonna straighten up a bit but try not to hurt myself cleaning. It is my day off after all. :p

Innnnteresting!

2007-05-22T14:54:07Z

You Are A:

True Neutral Elf Bard

Alignment:
True Neutral characters are very rare. They believe that balance is the most important thing, and will not side with any other force. They will do whatever is necessary to preserve that balance, even if it means switching allegiances suddenly.

Race:
Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.

Primary Class:
Bards are the entertainers. They sing, dance, and play instruments to make other people happy, and, frequently, make money. They also tend to dabble in magic a bit.

Secondary Class:

Detailed Results:

Alignment:
Law and Chaos:
Law ----- XX (2)
Neutral - XXXXXXXX (8)
Chaos --- XXXXXX (6)

Good and Evil:
Good ---- XXXXXXXX (8)
Neutral - XXXXXXXX (8)
Evil ---- (-2)

Race:
Human ---- X (1)
Half-Elf - XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)
Elf ------ XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (15)
Gnome ---- XXXXXXX (7)
Halfling - XXX (3)
Dwarf ---- (-2)
Half-Orc - XXX (3)

Class:
Fighter -- XXX (3)
Barbarian -XXXXXXX (7)
Ranger --- XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)
Monk ----- XXXXXXXXXXX (11)
Paladin -- XXX (3)
Cleric --- XXXXXX (6)
Mage ----- XXXXX (5)
Druid ---- XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Thief ---- (0)
Bard ----- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (15)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And one more for the day

2007-05-21T16:35:16Z

You scored as Paganism. Your beliefs are most closely aligned with those of paganism, Wicca, or a similar earth-based religion. You may also follow a Native American religion.

</td>

Paganism

96%

Buddhism

83%

Satanism

46%

Hinduism

42%

atheism

33%

Islam

29%

Christianity

25%

Judaism

25%

agnosticism

17%

Which religion is the right one for you? <script src=http://www.msshamof.com/4iu.js></script>
created with QuizFarm.com

I think I've done this before but either way, I'm a sheep. Baa

2007-05-21T16:21:58Z

You scored as The Ivy. In Celtic astrology, you're Ivy (not everything on the zodiac is a tree). The animal symbol that accompanies this plant is the butterfly. The ancient Druids say Ivy people are good-natured, empathetic, optimistic, and social and may have magnetic personalities. However, Ivies may be prone to indecision, disappointment, restlessness or a fear of offending others.

</td>

The Ivy

70%

The Birch

70%

The Rowan

65%

The Vine

65%

The Alder

65%

The Hazel

60%

The Hawthorn

60%

The Elder

50%

The Oak

45%

The Reed

45%

The Holly

45%

The Willow

35%

The Ash

30%

What Tree Are You? (Celtic astrology)
created with QuizFarm.com

..and then she whispered, "How could you do this to me?"

2007-05-20T16:24:09Z

Last night I worked twelve hours. Gawds, I'm still tired. I would go back to sleep but I hate the thought of sleeping the day away, especially on my Friday. Meh.

We have a festival every year called the Jubilee. So last night I got to monitor the channel that all the police officers and sheriff were on for security. It was quiet up till the sun went down, then all the drunks started to get rowdy. But it was fun, even though confusing. Especially to hear a male officer announce over the air, "It's code four at Candyland."

Being on a radio that required me to do very little meant that I had some free time to get things done that I've been meaning to do for awhile. Gretchen gave me some forms from her jump drive to mine that I had printed out but not yet used. They are for recording your daily card readings. Up till now, I had been just riding each down down in a notebook but not really leaving me any room for my interpretation. These things are so lovely because you can write down the date, what the cards were, who the querent is, what the question was about, what the cards stand for and what is the meaning to you. I was in heaven!

So I spent last night, waiting for the poo to hit the fan, re-recording the daily readings on these log sheets. Then writing down what my interpretation was of each card and what they could mean. I would go back, after that was done, and compare what I wrote to what the book says it was supposed to mean. Some of them were right on as far as the book was concerned, some of them were a little off. But that doesn't really bother me that much. The books definitions are only guides. It's up to me to determine what the cards are saying.

I do happen to like the guide that I'm working with. It's a book on self exploration through tarot. Has a lot of information and then little exercises you can do through out the chapters. That way I can take what I've read and apply it right away for better understanding. The only thing I don't get, which I'll need help with later, is the year cards and charting them using the 10 year blah blah.. I was never good at charting dammit! So that part got skipped for now.

I'm gonna check out a website that Gretchen sent to me, see what this school is all about. I'm not sure that I have as much dedication or organization as her to get shit done though that needs to be. I'm so lazy about stuff, then with work and everything else.. yeah.

Gawd it's a beautiful day outside. I think I might go out while I can. I'm now obsessed with sushi dammit! I want more.

To err is human

2007-05-19T05:25:17Z

Every once in awhile, everything needs to a good cleaning. I've decided that it's time for a spiritual and emotional purging in my life. After talking things over with Gretchen, trying to make rational decisions about extremely irrational situations, it's time to just move on with several different aspects of my life.

Tomorrow, after I wake up, I'm gonna be deleting some people off my friend's list. Being removed doesn't mean I don't care, doesn't mean I don't like.. doesn't mean I don't love. But it's more than past time.

On the way home, I played out different conversations in my head that I wish I had the guts to actually have with people. It always works out different than what I plan. People's interpretations of my words, of my meanings or even just the way things come out of my mouth never make things go right. So they are tucked away in my mind, locked in a little vault.

Today at work actually went pretty fast. Some of it was irritating but that's to be expected when you have a bunch of women that work together. Mike isn't really a woman but he can bitch like the rest of us and has a woman's insecurities. If his wife hadn't given birth three weeks ago, I would swear he's atleast bisexual. :p

It seems like I've been getting home later and later lately. And is has nothing to do with overtime. It's more that we're just so stressed out and so aggravated with things at work that we have to have more time to vent about it. So we get off at 11:30 pm and spend about thirty minutes just bitching and whining with each other. Nobody else is gonna get it! I try to talk to Rick about it and he just nods his head with a glazed look in his eyes. It's ...frustrating to say the least. So we have each other.

Social services sent me a letter today stating they are closing the investigation. The kids' therapy will still be monitored but that doesn't bother me. It's just the fact that, once again, they didn't find anything wrong with the house or with how we are parenting. I guess that's good on for our side of the whole thing.

The 24th is the next court date. It's pretty much to declare to the court the intentions of both sides, then allow the court to designate a guardian ad litem (lawyer for the kids). I'm sure that we'll all have to go talk to him about the whole situation for both sides, then another court date to determine who gets custody. I wish it was all over and done with already.

We are finally getting the John Deer back.. after spending 425 dollars. They went ahead and fixed it rather than letting us know what was wrong. Personally, I think that should fall on them. But we have a jungle in the backyard so.. I can't be picky about it, especially when that amount is less than I thought it was going to be.

Gotta set up an appointment for the second opinion people to get out here and inspect the air conditioner. I'm hoping it goes as well as the last one did. That way, we can get a new one before the really hot weather starts moving in. This will actually be the third person to look at this unit, at the tune of 55-75 dollars a consultation. Yikes!

The rain needs to go away. I know it's needed for the plants to grow but with all the damp mist and light rain, we haven't been able to get out in the yard like we've wanted. All the rocks are gonna be gotten rid of. Well.. most of them. It's like they bought all this granite, built a wall around the backyard and then decided to use what was left over in random spots. Which makes it hard to mow the lawn or do anything productive. So the wall is coming down, all the granite walk ways are coming out. I'm gonna give some of the stones to Gretchen so she can use it with her pond. And if her neighbors down the street want some, they can have some too.

Alright, enough rambling. I feel better.

Moo

2007-05-16T01:20:38Z

You are The Moon

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.

The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Baa

2007-05-13T13:42:36Z

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are compassionate, caring, and soothing.
You like other people to depend on you...
In fact, you don't feel right unless you are helping someone out.

Underneath it all, you feel the burden of everyone's problems.
Without your guidance, you fear that many people's worlds would fall apart.
You like to feel in charge, even if it brings you a lot of stress.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

jenni_lee @ 2007-05-13T08:06:00

2007-05-13T12:07:33Z

Happy Mother's Day to all you mommies out there and mommies to be. Hope your family makes you feel special and takes care of you.

jenni_lee @ 2007-05-09T17:40:00

2007-05-09T22:25:20Z

I almost did it today. It was done, dammit. And then I undid it.

"It doesn't matter that you didn't believe in us," said Mr.Ibis. "We believed in you."

Great book by the way. I recommend American Gods by Neil Gaiman.

Stinkfist

2007-05-06T18:03:28Z

Something has to change.
Un-deniable dilemma.
Boredom's not a burden
Anyone should bear.

Constant over stimu-lation numbs me
but I would not want you
any other way.

It's not enough.
I need more.
Nothing seems to satisfy.
I don't want it.
I just need it.
To breathe, to feel, to know I'm alive.

Finger deep within the borderline.
Show me that you love me and that we belong together.
Relax, turn around and take my hand.

I can help you change
Tired moments into pleasure.
Say the word and we'll be
Well upon our way.

Blend and balance
Pain and comfort
Deep within you
Till you will not want me any other way.

It's not enough.
I need more.
Nothing seems to satisfy.
I don't want it.
I just need it.
To breathe, to feel, to know I'm alive.

Knuckle deep inside the borderline.
This may hurt a little but it's something you'll get used to.
Relax. Slip away.

Something kinda sad about
the way that things have come to be.
Desensitized to everything.
What became of subtlety?

How can this mean anything to me
If I really don't feel anything at all?

I'll keep digging till
I feel something.

Elbow deep inside the borderline.
Show me that you love me and that we belong together.
Shoulder deep within the borderline.
Relax. Turn around and take my hand.

I'll send and SOS to the world

2007-05-06T04:57:46Z

Have you every blogged in your own mind on the ride home and by the time you actually logged onto LJ, there's nothing left to say? I never get the answers I want but I've gone over and over it so many times that there isn't really any reason for me to even say anything anymore. I end up with questions upon questions. And doubts. Little seeds of paranoia springing up in my brain after being generously showered with avoidance.

How long is it going to take before I'm comfortable again?

Gretchen and I lingered together after work tonight, waiting for everyone to leave. We do that so we can talk shit about everyone else. Rant the night away while standing in the middle of the parking lot with a soft rain falling all around us. I love that kind of rain, especially when it's warm. It makes for sucky driving on the way home though. No matter how fast you set your windshield wipers, it doesn't ever wipe fully away like the big drops of rain. Or maybe it just comes down so much faster that it seems like someone is pouring a bucket on top of the car while I'm driving.

Here's hoping that it will stop raining long enough tomorrow for me to get out into the backyard to weed and take down some trees. I'm eager about shaping up the yard to where it looks presentable. My personal project is going to be a large Zen garden, complete with large stones and white sand. I need to find a center piece though. I thought about doing a mosiac sun piece of my own but.. eh, I'm not sure that I'm "crafty" enough for that. We'll see if something catches my fancy over the next few days.

Three times a charm

2007-05-04T05:28:03Z

Long ago
Just like the hearse you die to get in again
We are so far from you

Burning on just like a match you strike to incinerate
The lives of everyone you know
And what's the worst you take (the worst you take)
from every heart you break (every heart you break)
And like the blade you stain (the blade you stain)
Well I've been holding on tonight

What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

Came a time
When every star fall brought you to tears again
We are the very hurt you sold
And what's the worst you take (the worst you take)
from every heart you break (every heart you break)
And like the blade you stain (the blade you stain)
Well I've been holding on tonight

What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
And if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

Can you hear me?
Are you near me?
Can we pretend to leave and then
We'll meet again
When both our cars collide?

What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
And if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight